Surviving Military Sexual Trauma: A Marine Speaks

I have lived through gender discrimination, sexual harassment, and rape.  Since I served the Marine Corps I've been raped by two Marines and pretty much my whole enlistment was a constant harassment for being the weakest link.  It haunts my today to think other women are still enduring the suffering I had to go through. 

It's not right, it's not right at all.

I wanted to serve my country, I did served and protect my country's freedom and by doing so I sacrificed so much: my dignity, my strength, my life, my body, my everything and for what?  While stationed overseas I endured so much harassment, it would make you cry if I told you all of it.  To say I lived in constant fear is an understatement. 

I was pregnant with my husband and my first child.  I didn't receive any medical treatment, only a confirmation that I was pregnant.  For seven months I had no prenatal care just sick call visits and light duty chits.  I had been put on light duty by the doctor and for what? So the command wouldn't honor it?  Instead I was forced to clean the stairwell, all four flights with ammonia.  Three threatened miscarriages by NCO's who didn't care if I fainted when given the information.  It took a corpsman to address the issue that I needed to sit in a chair while in formation and that it was my platoon SSgt’s job to bring a chair for me.  I was forced out of bed at 0400 to show up in PT formation when my NCOs knew I was on bed rest and from coming back from the hospital the night before due to having a threatened miscarriage.  When put on bed rest, I had no one to give me my food from the chow hall.  Wasn't it my NCO's job to make sure I got all food when doctor gave specific orders to stay in bed for fear of having a miscarriage of some sort?  No, they didn't do anything. Instead I walked to the chow hall to get my food and my NCO got word yelled at me as if I was back in boot camp and made me go back to work.  I endured this for 7 months.  Now tell me, the stress, was it the cause of my son's  Cerebral Palsy? 

Let’s go back a year while I was in MOS school when I got raped.  I was out having fun with some of the girls, just us girls needed to get off base so we decided to just let our hair down and by some beer to wind down.  We got a room and rented some movies so we could enjoy being girls again.  I remember how we wanted to paint out nails and be like teenagers again. Hell ,we were teenagers still.  Look through magazines and gossip about the current TV stars.  I decided to go outside and chat with our fellow Marines.  One came up to me and chatted with me.  He seemed like a nice individual and offered a beer since the one in my hand was almost out.  I didn't want to be rude so I took it.  I followed him to his room were his friend was watching TV.  Had I known he was waiting for their victim I wouldn't have gone.  He gave me beer and I started to drink it and chatted while in his room.  Before I knew it, the place started to become all weird.  The room started to spin, now I look back on it I was drugged.  I came in and out feeling all what they were doing, turning me around and around both of them penetrating me and grabbing me and saying nasty things.  I wanted to say something, I wanted to yell but I couldn't.  I was raped.

I wanted to report what have been done but the two Marine's Platoon SGT got a hold of me and threatened me.  If I said anything, my life would be ruined.  Everything I worked for in the Marine Corps would be done and I he would make sure of me getting a Dishonorable discharge from the Marine Corps.  With that said, I left his office in tears while the two Marines outside laughed.

Now I'm going to take you back a couple of month’s back prior to me going to MOS school.  Right after boot camp I had my boot leave and left for MCT, Marine Combat Training.  The start of it all.  The male instructors made fun of us because we are the weakest link in the Marine Corps, we were the cause of all the distraction on the male counterpart.  They didn't want us there, most of them that I came across.  My female instructors were so passive.  When the male instructors felt to IT us they were allowed to.  They did so right in front of their Marines as a comedy show and for entertainment on how to watch our breasts bounce up and down and to have a peeping contest to see who got to see the most boob when we were doing pushups.  It was fucking wrong I tell you.

One of my closest girls who I graduated got raped.  She was only 4 foot three.  We were so proud of her--she always lead the PT run from the front.  She was on duty when she was pulled to the forest line and raped by a guy who was 6 ft tall. 

When we found out, we girls wanted to kill him.  It was wrong because after that night, we never heard from her again.  I heard stories that she went crazy, but deep down inside I pray it was not true. 

There was a night, a night were I started to feel like I wish I never joined.  This night our platoon of girls was outside in the rain for over an hour while we watched all the men get in the barracks first.  The male instructors thought it was a good way for us to toughen up.  Because of them over half of my platoon became ill with pneumonia.  We all didn't get to graduate out of MCT on time together like we all had planed because of them. 

While we had nigh land nav, a male instructor thought it would be funny as hell to drive his pick up right in between our columns, this is when I fell in the ditch and blew my right knee.  I lost my night vision and couldn't see where I was going.  Again, it was a ploy to make us women stronger.

In boot camp my instructors never taught us anything about keeping our guard up and to report any harassment we encountered.  Instead our message was, all the men would be at our feet buying us left and right because we were so important to the Corps.  I don't know, but I didn't join to find a husband.  I joined because my father was a Marine and I saw the pride of the Corps in his eyes.  I also like the uniform too and it was the closest thing to Special Forces for me. 

Before I joined I heard only good things about the Corps, now that I'm out.  All I am left to say is, I love the Marine Corps but I dislike over half of the people who are in it.

Semper Fi

Regina

USMC/Disabled VET