My son was kidnapped by his father, what do I do now?

Long story, you've heard some version of it before, Betty Mahmoody most likely.  I surfed the cultural divide for many years, living both abroad and in the US with my Moroccan husband, never imagining the children I would one day have could be bargaining chips.  If this is a primer in what steps to take upon learning of your child's abduction, the only step that guarantees results is PREVENTION.  I had anticipated the problem, I knew the risk was there, but I chose not to be an alarmist, and as a result I haven't seen my 15-year-old son for over a year.  He has not been in school during that time, and has not had access to kids his own age or any extended family.  He is paying the price for his parents' inability to put his needs first, and only prevention could change his experience.

That said, there are steps to be taken.  We were living in Spain when Sam was taken to Morocco, so my first calls were to my Spanish lawyer, who advised me to make a police report; to the Madrid embassy, who advised me to do the same, use local authorities.  I did contact the State Department who felt they had no jurisdiction, as the abduction had occurred outside the US.  I already knew that Morocco did not adhere to the Le Hague Convention on children's rights, but soon confirmed that there was very little I could do to appeal to Moroccan, Spanish or US authorities to get my son back.  There did exist a treaty between Spain and Morocco, and I dutifully filled in the paperwork, knowing it would end up on a Moroccan judge's desk.

I established my credibility.  I filed police reports for specific needs, establishing a timeline and requesting an international arrest warrant.  My husband thought that I would jump in a plane to come get my son, but he had threatened me with false charges and I was fearful of Moroccan prison.  He had my daughter's passport and had established residency for her in Morocco, so I was determined to keep her safe.  Ultimately I had to make a Sophie's choice, the hardest of my life.  With the help of Senator John McCain, I obtained an emergency passport for my daughter and returned to the US, leaving my son behind.  Now back to Kidnapping 101, do not attempt this without fully documenting the precedents!  As every country other than the Arab countries and Uruguay (no, I don't know why, haven't had time to research that one) do adhere to Le Hague, you risk losing custody if you do not respect internationally recognized conventions.  I know a lovely woman who believed that if she could just get her child back to the US she would be protected.  She obtained the emergency passport through the same channels I used, but without establishing any wrongdoing on her husband's part through local authorities.   He accused her of kidnapping, her child was returned to Spain and she has not only lost custody but visitation rights.  So don't jump the gun, it is better to stay where you are and use whatever resources available than to risk losing your child.

I have a lawyer in Spain, in Morocco, and in the US.  The Moroccan says I can ratify a Spanish court decision in Morocco to obtain custody of Sam.  My Spanish lawyer says a decision could happen anytime (he's been saying this for a year now).  My US lawyer is only concerned with my local problems (financial, mostly, he took my son and left his debt), as everything else is beyond jurisdiction.  I have remained in contact with my husband, sporadically, as he will not give me a phone number.  He has allowed me to speak with my son, who begs me to return to Spain where we could all live.   My husband is adamant that he wants to have access to his children, and as his work is in Morocco, Spain is the only possibility (I have flatly refused to move back to Morocco. as I don't feel that it is a healthy environment, especially for girls) where they could live with me and he could have visitation rights.  

 Not an ideal solution for me or my children, as the risk is right there, at the Straits of Gibraltar.  Until countries like Morocco and Lebanon reassess their patriarchal-obsessed family law, children will pay the price.  Cultural divide or no, children's needs should come before those of their parents, and in these societies the father is considered to have dominant needs.  I do not accept this, and my daughter will not grow up in a society like this.  My son will soon be able to make his own choices, and I hope to be able to establish my financial independance in order to help him on his path.  Until then, I have made my choice, and I have to live with it.  Our lives are on hold, while we wait for a solution.   Don't let this happen to you.

 These are some of the amazing people I have met in my quest to get my son back:

 Adolfo Alonso, a Madrid-based lawyer striving to promote cultural understanding between Spain and Morocco, and always willing to provide consultations to distraught parents

Mari Jose Cole, a Zaragoza-based altruist who devotes her considerable energy to helping reunite families, often at her own expense, and with compassion for both sides 

Mark Miller, founder of AAFLC (American Assn for Lost Children, www.aaflc.org), a born-again Christian who sees his life's mission as rescuing abducted children and restoring them to their custodial parent