From Boys and Girls to Pimps and Hos: How Our Culture Teaches Boys to be Predators

by Sharlene Azam

Journalist Sharlene Azam is the author of Oral Sex is the New Good Night Kiss, which has been featured on the Today Show and the View.

Girls sext their boyfriends sexy pictures--with home made porn.

If today’s girls are encouraged to view their bodies as powerful tools with which to manipulate others, today’s boys are trained to view themselves as entitled to sex, whenever and however they want it. They are also being socialized to be sexual predators by a culture that glorifies pornography and “the pimp as player” image.

In the “lifestyle” promoted by Beverly Hill’s Pimps and Ho’s, a clothing brand that is all the rage with celebrities and teens, males refer to themselves as pimps and to females as “ho’s,” “sluts,” or “bitches.” The “P.I.M.P.” video by 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg has bikini-clad women--dollar signs hanging from their crotches--on leashes attached to diamond-studded dog collars. Further glorifying the profession, Rolling Stone Magazine honored Snoop Dogg with the title “America’s Most Loveable Pimp.”

In “Double Up,” R. Kelly, who still faces 14 counts of child pornography, sings about sleeping with two women at the same time. A sample of the lyrics from 50 Cent’s “P.I.M.P.”: “Bitch choose with me, I’ll have you stripping in the street / Put my other ho’s down, you get your ass beat.” Jay-Z’s hit song “Big Pimpin’” goes like this: “I thug ‘em, fuck ‘em, love ‘em, leave ‘em / ‘Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ‘em / Take ‘em out the hood, keep ‘em lookin’ good / But I don’t fuckin’ feed ‘em.”

The pimp image has infiltrated mainstream notions of cool to the point where everyone is trying to capitalize on it. Inspired by his hit song “Pimp Juice,” Nelly introduced a two-dollar energy drink by the same name, packaged in a flashy gold and silver can. Incredibly, Nelly and the Fillmore Street Brewery, the company that makes the energy drink, recently launched the P.I.M.P. (Positive. Intellectual. Motivated. Person.) Scholarship. The application form states: “Students from all disciplines with no grade point average restrictions to compete in an essay and photography competition concerning how the student plans to ‘upgrade his/her life through education, hard work, creativity, heart, and philanthropy.’” Students are encouraged to submit a photo of themselves holding the drink.

One group that is trying to combat the corruption of children is the Children of the Street Society, a nonprofit concerned with the growing numbers of children being recruited into the sex trade. Cofounder Diane Sowden frequently visits middle school classrooms, where she minces no words in trying to raise awareness about the evils of recruiting, pimping, and prostitution. “When you wear a T-shirt that says ‘Pimping Ain’t Easy’ or use the expression ‘that’s really pimping’ to describe something you admire, you are promoting child molestation,” she tells the students.

She points out that shows like Pimp My Ride on MTV normalize and glamorize the idea of pimping to both kids and parents, and then she jumps to a real-life example to demonstrate just how abnormal and unglamorous the world of pimping and prostitution really is. She turns on the overhead projector, illuminating a photo of a pretty girl with long brown hair against a generic blue background. The girl is seated at an angle and does not smile. “This is my daughter Catherine,” Sowden tells the classes she visits. “She was recruited into prostitution when she was in grade 7; this is her last school photo and the last year that she was in school.” She explains that her daughter was a partier who was introduced to crack by a man in his 20s in their conservative, mostly white suburb. Catherine began selling her body to pay for her addiction and soon had a pimp--an all-too-common story and one the students can relate to.

Sowden believes that educating boys early may curb the demand side of prostitution. It may also make them more compassionate toward the girls and women who end up prostituted or in pornography.

But compassion is all too rare in young boys today, hardened as they are by the impersonal sexualization of the society around them. When two boys, 13 and 14, were asked for the purposes of this article how they became sexually active, their responses were alarming.

“From the time I was 11 my dad told me condoms come 12 to a box for a reason. He said I could have sex with a girl and then go off and have sex with a different girl,” Matt explained, adding that by the time most boys are 13, there is tremendous pressure on them to lose their virginity. “It’s like such a huge thing if you’re still a virgin by a certain age.”

Laughing, Kyle said that the fastest way to get laid is to say three magic words. “For most girls, if a guy says, ‘I love you,’ that’s enough for her to get naked and do whatever you want. Girls need to know the only time a guy is ever serious about telling a girl he loves her is when he’s at the altar or when he wants to get her panties off. They shouldn’t take it so seriously.”

According to statistics, boys don’t always use pretty words to get sexual with girls. Sometimes the coercion is physical. In 1998 and 1999, according to estimates produced by the National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth, 3.9 percent of boys aged 12 to 15 reported having either “sexually touched someone who was unwilling” (3.3 percent) or “forced someone to have sex” (1.3 percent). This represents an estimated 26,800 boys who may have engaged in sexual offenses. Many of these incidents did not come to the attention of the police. Data provided by 123 police departments in 2002 shows that girls made up the vast majority of victims of sexual offenses reported to police (85 percent). Rates were highest among female victims ages 11 to 19, with the peak at age 13.

“From 12 to 19 perfectly normal boys are turned into predators because no one is censoring their behavior. No one stands up to these boys and tells them that they will not be rewarded for taking advantage of a situation,” says Lee Lakeman, executive director of the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centers.

Christine, 15, a Toronto high school student, says, “If you’re walking down the hall at school and there’s a guy with his group of friends, he’ll be like, ‘Look at that ho. Wanna suck my dick?’”

“Young men are competitive with each other,” explains Samantha Kearney, a former high school teacher and a counselor at the Vancouver Rape Crisis Center. “One of their games is to get a girl to agree to have sex with their buddies. We’ve had guys tell their girlfriend that she has to make herself accessible to all of his buddies.”

The book is sold with a companion documentary:  go to http://www.thenewgoodnightkiss.com/